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Monday, October 3, 2016

Are you the Queen of Sabotage?

Are you the Queen of Sabotage?

BigGirlz, I don’t know anyone who could reflect on their past and not find at least one “do over” situation. Whether it stems from a decision made out of anger, fear or lack of knowledge, we all can easily find something we’d like to return to the scene of the crime to either fix or erase. As a matter of fact, many of us won’t have to reflect very long or even scroll back very far in our minds to pick out what I also refer to as an “Ah Damn It” type of event. It’s life.

As you review and reflect I need you to add a filter to this search, Relationships, Dating and all things related. Are you finding numerous “Ah Damn Its” and Do Overs? Are they laced with Shouldha Couldha Wouldha? If not, this post won’t pertain to you. If you’re rolling your eyes at the very thought, then grab some wine (or whatever’s your favorite poison) and sit back; this journey is for you. Hey my eyes are rolling all over the place so you are not alone.

When it comes to Sabotage, I’m not sure if I wear a queen’s crown but a princess tiara is definitely in order. Ya see BigGirlz, my do overs and such range from giving the wrong person my number to allowing a 3rd and 4th chance.

See I’m not talking about Sabotaging a relationship with a potential mate, OH NO! I’m referring to the relationship we have with our inner peace and self contentment. Ya see BigGirlz we have a tendency to Sabotage our happiness.

Let’s back up. Now for all you Super Saints, Holy Rollers and Quick to Judge Church Folk, yes we’ve all heard it “Joy, the world didn’t give it and the world can’t take it away”, yeah yeah yeah. We know and it sounds fabulous but that’s not what I’m talking about. In the real world, many of us have an “overall” joy BUT struggle with specific life pockets that make us unhappy; and had we listened to our gut instinct, we wouldn’t have to deal with that “Ah Damn It” moment that remains fresh in our minds.

And now back toward my point…Ah Damn It

BigGirlz, I don’t know about you but most of my Ah Damn Its are connected to a moment. You know, Idle mind stuff but even that is not an excuse at least not a valid one.
So why do we do it? What I have noticed, when there is a Void in our lives instead of just transforming that Void into a reflective or recovery time, we rush to fill it with something/anything that will prevent us from dealing with that empty space. Not realizing that Voids are neither the end nor forever. Voids are often an appointed place holder for restoration of the mind and spirit; forced appointments to clean-up mental mess or even re-introduce ourselves to our purpose. It is by filling that Void with meaningless crap, we disrupt what could have been a re-connection or a reinforcement of our inner peace.

Now you’re probably thinking what the Hell does this have to do with dating? Well here it is:

1.    If you are out of sync with yourself you will date anything. For example “Yeah, I know he used to be with one of my friends but it’s just a date(or dinner or a movie.) It’s not like it’s anything serious. You’re correct the encounter may not be serious but the fallout behind it… Is it really worth it?

2.    Lack of mental clarity clouds your thinking as well as your judgment. “He wasn’t THAT bad. Now that we know each other better, things will be different…” BULLSHIT, the only thing that’s changed is the day. Sure people change but have you? Have your expectations? Are things that your previous relationship lacked, no longer valid to you? Don’t down grade just to say you have somebody.

And here is my favorite

3.    He’s just something to do until I meet the real thing. Bwaahahahahahaha are you F’ing kidding me? Lord knows how many times I fed that stupid shit to myself. Let’s be honest here BigGirlz, How the hell are you going to meet “the One” if you are preoccupied with Mr. Something to Do? IJS

Bottom line, stop Sabotaging your well being and worth with temporary garbage. Deal with the Void, its ok. Use it to embrace, enhance and elevate the true spirit of you. Remember darkness cannot exist in a will lit place.

I’m moving on to the next one dancing a jig all the way through my Void. Tell me, what chu got?