BigGirlz
regularly I challenge you to “try something new” or do things
differently when dating. Often, we will publicly proclaim “next time I’m
going to try it another way.” We say it, claim to accept it but do we follow
through? On several of my tips and hints to dating, I’ve dared you and even
myself to go a different route, change your prospective and step out of your
comfort zone when the opportunity presents itself, but are we really brave
enough?
Change
can be a difficult animal to harness even for the most liberal and flexible
minded, however not only is change good it is downright necessary. Where am I going
with this? Glad you asked. You see, even I can and have fallen into a rut of
comfort and familiarity. So to shake it up a bit, I stepped way WAY out of my
comfort zone and accepted an invitation from someone so different from my rule
that it was almost shocking. When I say we were extreme opposites, I truly
mean in every aspect i.e. rural vs. city, white vs. black, thin vs. thick, blue
collar vs. white collar and I could go on.
BigGirlz,
now here is the back story. Before I accepted the invite, I thought of every
excuse to turn this man down. I admit it, I panicked and then all of my own
advice started to flood my thoughts. How hypocritical of me. Was I afraid to
try something new? So I began to process my own words and actions. Feeling
convicted I agreed to the date. How did I get to a yes? Well first I took a big
ass deep breath to clear my thoughts and poured an even bigger glass of wine (no
surprises there). Then I began to process the why and why nots. For example,
what will people think, he’s so young, he’s white… (STOP RIGHT THERE!) Was that
it? Was that my apprehension? WTH? Peel off all of the excuses and the bottom line,
he was white. What a flippin hypocrite. That shit made it real. When did I
become conscious regarding the race line? Damn!! It never matter before did it?
Have I changed? Is this a real or imagined issue? In that instant, it was real.
“Could I go home with him, would I allow him to meet my friends, does he own a
suit, what about church…” All of this over a damn date? Reality check, it was a
date not a contract for marriage. Dang physician, heal thyself. Although the
initial concerns were valid I believe them to be way premature and now halfway
through my 2nd glass of wine I got over my hang-up, solidified my
yes and proceeded to prepare my strategy (something I’m accustomed to performing
before venturing out with a new person. Yeah we can talk about that in another
segment…LOL).
You
see BigGirlz, we all struggle at various times with different aspects of
dating. Where the struggle ends is when you manage to press through. Now I’m
not saying defy your gut instinct, cause if your gut gives you warning to stay
away for a particular person then by all means, do it. But what I am saying is
fight pass the fear. We paralyze ourselves 90% of the time by not being willing
to push our way to the edge of what we have yet to experience or see. Don’t let
the bullshit that floats and at times resides in your mind be a block to
attempting something different.
So I pushed
through. I accepted my discomfort called “fear” and moved beyond it. What was
most ironic about this entire ordeal (wait for it…) the date never happened.
That’s right the day before we were to go out “something came up” for him.
Bwahahahahahahaha…
What a
teachable experience for the “teacher”. If we are open and honest with ourselves
something can be gained from every situation. There are times that we/I get so accustomed
to dealing with surface actions and reactions that we/I veer away from dealing
with our own layers. All of this triggered a re-introduction to self. In other
words “Me this is Myself, Myself meet Me. Me, Myself this is I. I, meet Me and
Myself”. Sound silly? Is it? When you really dig you find out things regarding
you that were either forgotten or never realized.
Me,
Myself and I are moving on to the next one drinking wine and “honestly” outlining
what it is we really want in a mate…cheers!!!
