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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Warning Fall Cling Cometh....

Normally I would have placed this article in my BigGirlThoughts Blog, but this could be beneficial as a dating warning, so here goes

Fall Cling…

Damn, it’s that time of year again, “Fall Cling.”  You do know what that is right?  It’s the annual migration of ex’s back in to your presence.  In other words the first sign of the seasons beginning to change toward cooler temperatures and now your phone is ringing off the damn hook. 

Normally on the other end of the line is a voice you haven’t heard in months calling to “see how you been doing”, translation do you have a mate  I’m looking for someone to hook up with before it gets cold.  Fall Cling is the first leg of the “Cycle”.  Now let me explain the Cycle for those who may not have heard this one.  The Cycle is just that a cycle of events going from hook up to break up that that spans from the Fall through Winter and wrapping up at “Spring Break”.

We explained Fall Cling above.  During that time things get real chummy between you and whoever is the flavor of the month.  Chummy but the initiator is sure to not let the unsuspecting victim get too comfortable in this “relationship” of convenience.  Now to maintain status and a comfortable or should I say “warm” position, the initiator remains visible and regularly accessible during the upcoming holiday season. They are around for fun during Halloween, will make an extended appearance at Thanksgiving dinner, and will even present you with a thoughtful gift at Christmas.  Aww…

Now, on to New Year’s Eve and Day.  This is the beginning of the end so pay attention.  You spend that evening together but it’s not quite what you had hoped or expected. It was OK, mediocre at best. Even further, during the month of January subtle changes in attitude begin to formulate.  Not enough to get removed or booted from the position because winter is far from over, but little tidbits that can be used as a means of escape for later.  It’s like leaving a trail of bread crumbs so you won’t get lost.  Things such as still affectionate but not as much, kinda like he use to rush to open doors for you but now if he beats you to it fine and if not, you can open it yourself. Another one, he or she would wait and take incoming calls after you finished your conversation or they would at least say excuse me before answering, now they just answer.  They no longer cut the phone call short to continue giving you their undivided attention.  And my favorite, he or she no longer introduces you to people you run in to while out and about.  I love that one.  And when you mention it, they swear you’ve been introduced to that person on a previous encounter.  Makes it sound real convincing and when you don’t fall for it you get this pathetic apology, “my bad I would have sworn I had introduced you before”, bogus!!

On to the grand finale, Valentine’s Day or should we call this the “freedoms gate”.  Valentine’s Day is the day for love and couples right, not for you.  It is on this day that you receive the most thoughtless gift you can imagine.  This sparks both hurt feelings and possibly a knock down drag out argument.   You’ve been truly let down blindsided if you will.  The wedge in the relationship has been skillfully placed. Throughout the remainder of February the two of you are constantly digging and picking at each other over the least little things.  You start to remember how he/she no longer shows you the same type of affection, how he/she is always on the phone when you want to talk. Sound familiar?

Around mid-March when Spring is on the horizon the initiator wants to “talk.”  All of the fussing is not working for them. They are tired of having to explain their whereabouts and habits to you.  The conversation can become so convincing at times that often the victim suggest the two of you go your separate ways. You have just entered “Spring Break” which translates to “Break” out of this relationship and “Spring” into action to get ready for Summer.

That my friends it the infamous Cycle.  Like it or not it can catch the best of us off guard.  If you realize you’ve may have been pulled into it, either get out before you get hurt or twist it to make it work for you.

As I’ve said Fall Cling is the kick off.  Both men and women are guilty.  Hell I’ve done it.  Been on both side Lol… no one wants to be alone in the winter.  Oh well, On to the next one…

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

So What’s Next…?

You made eye contact, you flirted and  you landed the date.  It’s been evaluated and picked apart. So what’s next?  You keep working it.  If that one didn’t work out, on to the next one.  Continue the practice until it becomes second nature.  You’ve already crossed the biggest hurdle and that was simply starting.

Now let’s back track a little, some of you can’t seem to nail down the eye contact start. I realize that is a struggle for many.  Your apprehension may stem from a lack of confidence in you.  No one is perfect.  Many people look as if they are the complete confident package. Trust me 75% of the time that’s BS.  Stop comparing yourself to the image you have created in your mind. You will never measure up to that unattainable target you’ve created in the Never Never Land of your dream world.  Everyday you should be able to pick out at least five things you like about you when gazing at yourself in the mirror. It could be as simple as the color of your hair or the fact that you’re wearing a favorite bracelet.  Stop focusing on the negative.  If you have a flaw that bothers you, than work to correct it, but in the meantime focus on what is great about you. Learn to smile. Think a happy thought (ok so now I sound like a Disney flick, but it works).  If you can find a glimmer of joy to keep in the forefront of your thoughts, you would be amazed at how it will transform the vibe that eminates from within. People will see and detect a different you.  Positive energy attracts positive people. 

Try it…what’s it going hurt?