BigGirlz regularly I challenge you to “try something new” or do things differently when dating. Often, we will publicly proclaim “next time I’m going to try it another way.” We say it, claim to accept it but do we follow through? On several of my tips and hints to dating, I’ve dared you and even myself to go a different route, change your prospective and step out of your comfort zone when the opportunity presents itself, but are we really brave enough?
Change can be a difficult animal to harness even for the most liberal and flexible minded, however not only is change good it is downright necessary. Where am I going with this? Glad you asked. You see, even I can and have fallen into a rut of comfort and familiarity. So to shake it up a bit, I stepped way WAY out of my comfort zone and accepted an invitation from someone so different from my rule that it was almost shocking. When I say we were extreme opposites, I truly mean in every aspect i.e. rural vs. city, white vs. black, thin vs. thick, blue collar vs. white collar and I could go on.
BigGirlz, now here is the back story. Before I accepted the invite, I thought of every excuse to turn this man down. I admit it, I panicked and then all of my own advice started to flood my thoughts. How hypocritical of me. Was I afraid to try something new? So I began to process my own words and actions. Feeling convicted I agreed to the date. How did I get to a yes? Well first I took a big ass deep breath to clear my thoughts and poured an even bigger glass of wine (no surprises there). Then I began to process the why and why nots. For example, what will people think, he’s so young, he’s white… (STOP RIGHT THERE!) Was that it? Was that my apprehension? WTH? Peel off all of the excuses and the bottom line, he was white. What a flippin hypocrite. That shit made it real. When did I become conscious regarding the race line? Damn!! It never matter before did it? Have I changed? Is this a real or imagined issue? In that instant, it was real. “Could I go home with him, would I allow him to meet my friends, does he own a suit, what about church…” All of this over a damn date? Reality check, it was a date not a contract for marriage. Dang physician, heal thyself. Although the initial concerns were valid I believe them to be way premature and now halfway through my 2nd glass of wine I got over my hang-up, solidified my yes and proceeded to prepare my strategy (something I’m accustomed to performing before venturing out with a new person. Yeah we can talk about that in another segment…LOL).
You see BigGirlz, we all struggle at various times with different aspects of dating. Where the struggle ends is when you manage to press through. Now I’m not saying defy your gut instinct, cause if your gut gives you warning to stay away for a particular person then by all means, do it. But what I am saying is fight pass the fear. We paralyze ourselves 90% of the time by not being willing to push our way to the edge of what we have yet to experience or see. Don’t let the bullshit that floats and at times resides in your mind be a block to attempting something different.
So I pushed through. I accepted my discomfort called “fear” and moved beyond it. What was most ironic about this entire ordeal (wait for it…) the date never happened. That’s right the day before we were to go out “something came up” for him. Bwahahahahahahaha…
What a teachable experience for the “teacher”. If we are open and honest with ourselves something can be gained from every situation. There are times that we/I get so accustomed to dealing with surface actions and reactions that we/I veer away from dealing with our own layers. All of this triggered a re-introduction to self. In other words “Me this is Myself, Myself meet Me. Me, Myself this is I. I, meet Me and Myself”. Sound silly? Is it? When you really dig you find out things regarding you that were either forgotten or never realized.
Me, Myself and I are moving on to the next one drinking wine and “honestly” outlining what it is we really want in a mate…cheers!!!