My Blog List

Monday, August 25, 2014

Calculated Chaos

BigGirlz, I’ve taken a few months to reflect on the dating chaos (both self inflected and circumstantial) that had a grip on my dating calendar. During this time I learned a great deal. The time away solidified something both positive and not so positive regarding what could be labeled my dating style.

Let me preface this by saying my “paid” profession is Analyst. So with that being said every dinner/drink/booty call, as well as empty invites and even missed or so called “rescheduled” date was heavily scrutinize. So if you’re one of my Facebook friends and we shared one of the mentioned encounters, ummm….sorry? Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad. LOL. Remember this is about my self discovery. You were a participant by default.

So, BigGirlz have you made the time to truly evaluate your dating pattern? Have you given any thought to what you are willing to tolerate? Is each date just that a “date” or do you use it to decipher code in order to find a potential life partner?
Navigating dating madness was an eye opening task at best. What I discovered about myself was somewhat contrary to what I truly thought I wanted or even like so here goes…

Earlier this year, I decided to try my dating luck on one of the social media dating sites…bwaahahahahaaa. I figured why not. Sorry folks no horror stories. I found this to be quite fascinating. Yes I met a few new faces, but I also talked to several guys that I’ve known for years (Damn I guess dating is rough on everyone). What I concluded from this form of meeting/introduction is I’m nowhere near as liberal as I thought. I rejected 90% percent of the profiles simply due to what just may have been bad photography. Word to the wise, before posting a so called profile shot of yourself try checking out the background first. Shit like un-made beds, overflowing garbage cans and personal items scattered all over the place can instantly get your profile over looked. It’s all about camera angle. Not that I’m not a neat freak and to be honest most of the time I’m messy as hell, BUT you’d never see it in a photo. LOL!

Now once I got past what I referred to as round one the photo viewing process, round two proved to be just as annoying. I warned you, I’m an analyst by profession. It’s all a process. So on to round two, profile evaluation. Well, ugh, maybe I’m just too damn honest but some of the crap folks listed in the profiles were just a bit plastic and flat out bogus. I must say some of the verbiage was quite entertaining. One of my favorites “Real man who travels extensively looking for an honest woman who loves to travel…” simple enough right? Ok, I’ll bite. I love to travel. Curious as to where this person has visited and what’s on the list I shot him a message. Again Bwaahahahhaaa…I’ll shorten this laughable moment by simply saying after a couple of emails between us I quickly figured out his idea of “extensive travel” rarely took him 500 miles beyond his home. Didn’t even possess a passport. Trust me I have many MANY more haha stories. But I’ll just move on.

Now I was able to connect, sort of, with a couple of guys. Yep, someone made it to round three, the interaction. We shared relatively intelligent conversation; however it never progressed any further than the phone. 
So obviously I didn’t make a love connection using that method. As for the two or three that I shared some good conversation with, well we could tell that it wasn’t going any further and have allowed those moments to fade. (you liked that didn’t ya…lol)
Bottom-line, I found this method of meeting people a bit too tedious and time consuming.  I also discovered that tying to keep up with inbox messages, flirts and whatever else was just way too damn annoying. I just don’t think I’m wired for that type of interaction so BigGirlz for those of you that have not only endured this method but found success I commend you on your accomplishment.  This BigGirl just couldn’t get the feel for this method. And of course you know I had to analyze why it just didn’t work for me. You knew that was coming.

Well, I am a gut instinct type of person. For that to work properly I have to talk to you, look you in the eye or at least be close enough to sense you aura. As a general rule when I’m in the presence of a stranger (stranger danger…LOL) I can feel/sense good, bad and half-ass crazy pretty quickly. I love the personal contact. I like to be in the presence of it all.
As for the traditional method of meeting folks, you know grocery store, gas station, through friends and the convenient, “just happened to run into this person” (yeah right, damn stalker. That’s a post for another day), my luck has been ok. During this time what I’ve discovered is (men this may offend you and if it does then get the fuck off my page) men either don’t know what it is to truly ask someone out on a real date, have forgotten how to date, they’ve become lazy and complacent because so many women will accept any old piss poor invitation or I’m a picky bitch. Ok…yes I have bitch tendencies however I truly believe the other statements are quite valid.
Gentlemen, inviting me to your home for dinner, movies or to simply “hang out” is NOT an acceptable first date, at least not for me. Talking about going to dinner, a movie or even meeting for drinks means nothing if you don’t solidify the plans. In other words FOLLOW THROUGH DAMN IT!!!! I’m not going to do it for you.

I totally understand that dating or taking a woman out can be pricey however…SO WHAT. If you can’t afford it get out of the game. Side note please don’t think that if you spent $25 on me that getting some ass is automatic. First of all the price tag on my coochie is a helluva lot more expensive than that AND if I want to screw you it’s not about what you spend. Trust me if the chemistry is there I may screw you, opt for some pizza and call it a night. (That’s DEFINITELY a post for another day)

As I reflect on all of the madness, I’ve come to the conclusion that dating can be a lot of work depending on what you’re seeking. I realize I have no tolerance for lazy ass thoughts and lackadaisical attitudes. Stop freaking talking about what you want to do and just do it. “Shoulda coulda woulda is one of the biggest turnoff for me. If it doesn’t work out so what, try something or someone else.
I’ve been told I must be waiting on Mr. Perfect…nah I am looking for Mr. Perfect-for-Me whatever that looks like. I’m a hand full. You need to be confident in yourself to even deal with me.  So what’s my style/pattern at best I will say I expect confidence and consistency that’s it. Keep it simple. Don’t try to impress me but be impressive. Flash and glimmer means nothing to me. Most things I can do for myself and if not I have enough patience to make it happen eventually.

BigGirlz don’t get fooled or even caught up in the bullshit. Know what you want and know what you’re worth. Don’t accept any old thing. I understand it gets old being alone; always having to go out with the girls and rarely, sometimes never being able to share a moment or evening with a man. I get it but I also get being more miserable with someone who’s just not your spiritual, mental and physical match. Take the alone time to discover you. Focus on retrieving your inner joy and peace if it’s missing. Don’t expect happiness to come just because “he” shows up in your life. You need to show up to party packing your own inner smile.  

Moving on to the next one happy on my own, catch me if you can!!!!