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Tuesday, August 4, 2015

If I'm Dating Up, Is He Dating Down?

If I’m Dating Up Is He Dating Down?

BigGirlz, BigGirlz

 Navigating this dating thang is quite the interesting animal. You see, even though your world maybe in pretty decent shape, the reality of it all says that you still may fall short compared to what your potential or ideal mate views as an acceptable standard.

It may be difficult to think of ourselves as the “fittin to, bout to, gettin ret to” person in this duo, however it just may be the case. So again I say, “if you’re dating up, is he dating down,” hmmm? As we strive to position ourselves in such a manner that no dating opportunities are missed, we must make time to realistically perform a self evaluation.  So BigGirlz, do you consider yourself to be “That Girl”? Are you worth the time, effort and let’s face it, the money it takes to get to know you?

BigGirlz before you answer the question, do a self check. Not only will this give you the correct answer, you’ll gain a sense of where you are in your life’s journey. Below are a couple of questions to assist in your evaluation:

1.    I’m I ready for this, whatever THIS may be? BigGirlz, how many times have we started a project and before anything can materialize we stop?  I ask that because many times we get so caught up in the mental process of wanting to date and forget that getting to know someone new is a lot of work. So before you even begin your dating trek, make sure you are ready and willing to put in the work. If you’re going to half-ass it, then you’re looking for something/someone to do not a relationship. Know the difference.

2.    What do I bring to the table? BigGirlz, know your worth. If you don’t feel as if you deserve the best of someone, guess what, less than is exactly what you will receive.

3.    What do I expect/desire in a mate? BigGirlz, you have to know what you want and expect. Sure there are items I like to refer to as “surface wishes” that we all can rattle off (tall, rich, cute…etc) but after you peel all of that crap back the real person is what remains and you never know what that may be if you don’t do the work to figure out your preferences. Keep in mind that your expectation should be coupled with a strong dose of realism. Side note, if you expect perfection, you’re in for a long lonely ride. So be realistic.

Now before you get comfortable and smug with yourself, there is a flip side to all of this…YOU!!! Just because you figured out what you want, decided you have the time to pursue this, you know your worth and actually found someone that meets your criteria, there’s a little more to do.  You see BigGirlz, while you’re processing his application to be a part of your life, pay close attention to how he is processing and evaluating you. Keep in mind BigGirlz, he also has a list! Like a fine Thoroughbred he is going to check your hooves, teeth and mane. (Yep I’m a Kentucky girl…LOL)  Ya see, men are visual creatures, not to say that guys won’t go deeper BUT…

Any who, as you go along, ask questions and dig deeper. Find out his expectations. Pay attention to his reactions and body language as the two of you engage. If the things that bring you joy makes him cringe or he gives you the side eye when your activities, lifestyle and choices are mentioned, guess what, he may feel he’s dating down or that you’re the fixer-upper. Run! Get out before you feel attached. You see, what you’re liking and lacking has a set of values in his eyes.

Bottom-line, only surface shit is easy. If you want deeper it takes work; some trial and yep errors too. Whether you’re dating up or down, there’s always a lesson in the process if you pay attention.

Moving on to the next one and taking notes in the process.