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Wednesday, May 25, 2016


Why Are You Single?

BigGirlz, I don’t know about you but I get real F’ing tired of the “Why are you single” question. It’s usually followed by “you’re so pretty” or “you’d make a good girlfriend/wife”. Blah blah blah…Trust me there is a reason. There’s ALWAYS a reason. Sometimes it’s a pure numbers game; more “mentally” available women than men. Note I said “mentally” available, meaning a lot of single men are enjoying the spoils of having multiple women in their lives and are not ready or lack a need/desire to settle down or be with just one woman.

Sometimes it’s pure location. I’ve read were Louisville is ranked in the top 40 of one of the worst cities for being single…yippee!!!!  And then it’s the “Us Factor”. What are we looking for in a male? Are we realistic? Are we living in fantasy land or are our values so messed up that it’s challenging to even figure out the differences? I know I’m not the only one.

But anywho BigGirlz, let’s flip the script. Have you ever met someone and just as you’ve been asked a million times, you think to yourself, “dang why is this man single? He has his own shit: as in car, home and money, goes to church, owns a suit (ok so that’s one of my requirements) and likes to go places. Really seems to enjoy life…hmmm.” What’s up with that? Well, as I just said, there’s ALWAYS a reason.

You see BigGirlz, sometimes (and I’m just talking about me) we get so caught up in the checklist/search that we overlook what’s really there. It’s very easy to hide behind a facade of perfection especially if your inner is beyond flawed and dangerously fucked up.

BigGirlz, I recently encountered a person who met every aspect of my check list. Seriously! I was both amazed and skeptical. Why skeptical…because my gut kept saying “something just doesn’t feel quite right”. And you all know my “inquisitive ass”; I had to dig until my gut was satisfied. I had to know what it was that just wouldn’t allow my spirit to back down and rest. So after multiple phone conversations and dinner I nailed it! This man although, normal on the outside, had not a freaking idea who he was. He identified himself with various people he felt he either resembled or shared like skills. For example, in his mind he had culinary skills that match Emeril Lagasse SO he would refer to himself as Lil’ Emeril (changing the reference in order to protect the stupid) or in his mind, he felt as if he resembled a particular R&B singer SO he also referred to himself as Lil’ *blank*. You get where I’m going. Bottomline, “Who Are You?” He would even brag about how he has all of his own shit, made good money, took care of his own responsibilities…NEWS FLASH dumb ass that’s what grown men dooooo!!!! Yes I get it there are many lazy and sorry ass men (and women) out there looking for someone to take care of them but don’t be so arrogant about it.

Back to my point, yes he met the initial criteria. He was very adamant about him being an excellent catch for any women. You see he had it all. Everything society determined as ‘perfect’. Yep the perfect facade. He was everything to everyone in his family circle. You know the type, perfect son, best cook (I tasted that shit and in my Maury voice, “that’s a lie”) ideal father and model Christian. He was so busy being all of those things that he skipped the part where he was to be a real person to himself. He looked good on paper but in reality, not so much. My point, a check list is not enough, that’s surface crap.

BigGirlz, we have to dig deeper not just with what we desire in a mate but what we desire in ourselves. If you’re comfortable with facades and pretense then hey go for it. Do a check off and keep it moving. Now if you’re needs go beyond surface, then you might want to re-evaluate your list.  Ya see my check list didn’t cut it. My list only dealt with the things that can easily fade. Key word, THINGS!!! What about spirit, what about character? Damn, did I miss the mark. Which brings to mind a different thought, “what in me is drawing empty ass people like him?” Unfortunately it’s not the first time I’ve attracted that type of Jackass to my being. What/where are my inner flaws?

Hmm….sounds like investigation for a future post.

Anywho, I’m moving on to the next one restructuring my check list and evaluating my aura ‘cause something ain’t right about this mess….